Thinking out loud

Mark's birthday is next week.

How time flies............... 2 years ago Jenna and the kids flew up here to Cranberry for Easter. Jenna was also pregnant with Will. I can't believe it has been 2 whole years and then again it feels like a life time ago. Kaity Bear loved playing with Baby Addison as she would call her.

I can't believe this enormous dessert that Jenna made.......YUMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!

Last night Jenna came to me in my dream. I don't remember what was going on in the dream but Jenna came to me through a wall....and said "Do you remember when we were little kids and we could FLY?" and I said to her "I can't do it Jenna- I'm not dead" and she said "Just take my hand, close your eyes and I'll show you" so I took a deep breath and grabbed her hand and we were able to start flying- right through a wall- out into the open sky......I could feel the wind blowing through my hair and we were flying together. It was just a very peaceful feeling and then I woke up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Spkpt1geCk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LraZEoRnkPc

Hey Everyone!

Jacob is turning 3 years old next week. Can you believe it? He's such a big boy! Kara said that he is potty learning right now (how exciting) and he's also starting to gain more independence and playing outside with the "big kids"!

They are having a party for him next Sunday the 22nd. Right now he's very into Dora the Explorer and he's also into any sort of "vehicle"- cars, trucks etc.

If you don't have Mark's address I will happily provide it should you wish to send a card or present for Jakey!

For those that do not follow Kara's blog I'll try to put a few pictures on here once she shares them for people to see.

Happy Valentines Day!

Hey Everyone.  I'd like to move this blog to private.  Please email me if you want to be added.

If some of what I write doesn't make sense I am sorry. I often get in a MOMENT with all my pregnancy hormones and just write something down on the blog........................whatever comes to my head in that moment............. ;)

It's May............it is almost June- a hard month for all of us to get through I think.

First is Jenna's birthday June 12th which this year I won't be buying her a card and sending a gift or asking her what fun plans she has- nor will I be commiserating with her about how OLD we are getting.

This year I'll be spending the day thankful that I had a sister to share my childhood with- someone who was a part of my life since before I was 2 years old- who I shared a bed with for a few years as really little tykes- who I shared a room with as we got older- and that I had the gift of a sibling.

As I get closer to my due date I often feel tears spring to my eyes that the most SAD day of my life EVER- the day the doctor told me over the phone that Jenna had died - could become one of the happiest days of my life too if Tyler were to come on "that date".

June 27th- it was the worst Wednesday there ever was............................... but I believe happy memories can replace bad ones- so that each year we aren't thinking only of the sad event- but have a happy one there too................ a new baby. Jenna would be SO EXCITED right now at the fact Tyler is coming soon. She'd snicker to me that I better hope he's not an 11 lber and that I better demand they check so I don't go through what she did with Jake.....................

She'd be ready to email everyone every little detail including pictures the MOMENT he was here......................

Instead, I know she'll be standing silently in the corner of the delivery room- holding William and smiling over at me......................... she's been in my dreams lately with him- never in a blatant way but just there as part of whatever is going on.....................little reminders of her love and a reminder that sisters are forever................. love is forever...................... even when the person is gone the feeling is not. The soul carries that relationship forever.

Let's brace ourselves for June and thank you for everyone who still reads here...............

I know that most people read the other blog I have going for Jenna.............the Help Save My Sister blog................but I know a lot of people come back here to just go read back over Jenna's posts to feel close to her.

I wonder how life would be if Jenna were still here with us. First of all she'd have baby William to take care of- she and Mark would be raising four kids. I'm sure she'd still be busy as ever not letting anything slow her down................... it's so hard to imagine all of it isn't it? I mean - death has such a finality to it that there is no turning back or changing things.

I'm so happy for the fact that Jenna made such an effort towards people even when they were too busy to do the same. She always called and was thinking of you. Maybe to tell you a funny story- or to share a song with you- or ask a question. She kept up childhood friendships and connections with people across the miles.

The internet has made it possible for her to remain a part of our memories and daily lives as we surf through other peoples blogs and hear what is going on in their lives. People Jenna was close to who are still very much thinking about her and keeping her spirit alive. Imagine if we couldn't go to this blog- or to family members or friends blogs and read things?

I hope that for those in TN who see the kids you'll post about it on your blogs and/or send photos so I can update these blogs for all to read?!

Thanks,
Tamra